a one day event for the girls of New England | November 18 | Hudson, MA

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Letter to my 16 Year Old Self- Raw, Genuine Words on Depression.

[Our dear Anna Sparling Culton wrote for today’s post, and she is being willing to be transparent with something so many of us try to hide. Read through this and let it encourage your soul, beautiful ones.]


Sometimes, I feel like it’s raining when it’s not.

Some days, I don’t know if I really believe the words to my favorite worship songs.

For weeks at a time, no matter how hard I try, how many Bible verses I read, or how many encouraging quotes I pin to my “Inspiration” Pinterest board, I just don’t feel God’s presence.

After 10 years, I have come to terms with the fact that depression is real and that I’m one of the many who suffer from it.

WOW. 10 years?!?! I literally JUST realized that’s how long it’s been since 16-year-old Anna Sparling sat down in her first counseling session. That day, I was told that depression is not a sign of spiritual failure and that even though it felt hopeless, I would be able to enjoy my life, family, and friends again… I really, REALLY wanted to believe that.

So, what I’d like to do is pretend that 16-year-old Anna is in my home-office right now. I just bought an awesome retro desk chair from a thrift shop. I’m placing it in front of me now, imagining she’s there – tired, lonely, and afraid. If you can relate to anything I’ve said so far, are denying that you do, or have a friend like me, I’d like to imagine you are sitting here with us too. Now… Let’s chat.

Hey Anna… Nice boot cut jeans and milky blue eye shadow, looking good…

You are so brave:

I know it was scary to tell mom and dad how you feel and to ask for help. You didn’t want them to worry about you, be disappointed, or think they have failed in some way as parents. But they already knew that you were struggling, and were praying for you every day.

Listen to how brave the Psalmist was in being honest about his despair in Psalm 42: 9.

I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?” 10. My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

I now know this is true: Being brave enough to be honest about your depression and ask hard questions was the beginning of your journey towards joy.

Depression can affect anyone, even you: 

I know that you don’t think you have the right to be depressed. Sure, you’ve been hurt, but your life is pretty good. You know girls who have had horrible childhoods filled with physical and emotional abuse. You think that your sadness doesn’t matter in comparison…

Psalm 34:18 reads:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Notice that there is no qualification for God to care about what is breaking your heart and why… God is CLOSE to the broken hearted. That’s reason to believe that the state of your heart MATTERS to the one who created it.

I now know this is true: No matter who you are, or what you’ve been through – God doesn’t shame you, but desperately wants to comfort you.

Listen to the people who really know you and really love God:

Unfortunately, you have good reason to expect some people to judge you for your depression. You will hear many lies:

When you’re 17, one of your teachers will say that taking anti-depressants is a sign of spiritual weakness and will keep God from fixing you. Don’t listen to him. He’s misguided and does not know you AT ALL.

In college, you will be told to suck it up and that God doesn’t care. The people who told you this are clearly not pointing you to Jesus. You need friends who will!

Everyone’s path through depression is different. Yours is going to include anti-depressants, spiritual discipleship, counseling, and authentic friendship. It’s going to be a journey Anna, be careful who you are listening to along the way!

Proverbs 4:5-6 says: “A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might, for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.”

I now know this is true:  When you listen to those who desperately love Jesus, and know the real you, you will find acceptance and be encouraged to find your hope in Christ.

You will have good days, and some bad days:

Anna, I wish I could tell you that you will be completely freed from depression by the time you write a blog post for some really awesome girls conference… But I’d be lying to you. But I will tell you this: God’s faithfulness? It’s legit. It’s greatness is not just a line in some old hymn, it is a faithfulness to redeem you and be all you need, all the time. No human is capable of this kind of faithfulness. It’s going to get you through and give you a deep, satisfying joy. Oh, and I’m warning you, 2013 is going to be quite the doozy. But guess what? You’re going to be okay, you will be happy, your marriage is going to be strengthened, and God is going to use you as a wounded healer to help reach others who are hurting.

With depression, you will be reminded of your need for Christ on a daily basis. Jesus said it himself in John16:33 :

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I now know this is true:  Because Christ has overcome sin and death, you have PURPOSE, HOPE, and the ability to find true JOY.

I want to leave you all with this final thought:

Depression is a real condition that can be brought on by physical chemical imbalances, painful experiences, as well as a combination of both. Spiritual or physical, when dealt with properly depression can be a pathway to experience satisying joy. God promises to meet us in the valley of the shadow of death. Expect to find him there, grab his hand, and begin walking.

1 Response

  1. Barbara W

    This is so honest and beautiful
    I have had periods of depression since I was a teen Thank you for sharing This will be an encouragement to many
    I always say It is all about trust and Joy comet him the morning although some nites are a little longer I am now 63 thank you again for being willing to be honest and vulnerable
    That I believe is what we are to do

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